Irish Time

We all know someone who is perpetually late. The person who shows up 2 hours to their birthday party, then tells you they need a minute to get ready. A minute which takes an hour. The person who unapologetically starts their dinner party preparations twenty minutes after the guests arrive.  These people are running on what we here at the Ranch like to call "Irish Time". Irish time is more than mere lateness. Late is for the ordinary. The Irish have turned a lack of punctuality into an art form. You can't simply be late, you must be extremely, Mustache pocket watch Mustache pocket watch unapologetically, unexplainedly late. Like any great art, Irish lateness takes on many different forms, depending on circumstance and the artist executing it. We've put together a little tutorial so you too can operate on Irish time. Dinnertime-dinnertime lateness must be carefully executed so that your companions will not abandon your plans, but will continue to wait for your arrival. This is best done around one hour or sometimes two, depending on whether you are the person who made the plans. If you are, you can safely broach the two hour mark with a minimum of concern. The perfectly crafted and executed late arrival will leave your group somewhere between "Ah, yes, I'll have another pint" and "Dear God, I'm going to chew my own arm off if I don't get some food in me". Parties-okay, a good party (craic) is not to be missed, in order to fully enjoy a party, your lateness must be calculated so that you don't miss anyone getting completely pissed (drunk, not angry) and performing "Danny Boy" at a high volume in a rich falsetto (to be posted on Youtube), and that you don't arrive so early that you're the one getting completely pissed singing "Danny Boy" in a rich falsetto (to be posted on Youtube). We recommend no more than two hours, but no less than forty-five minutes. Business meetings-typically, even the Irish like to be punctual when doing business, but a correctly formulated plan can make tardiness an asset to any meeting. Ideally you want to achieve a balance with your tardiness between allowing your colleague to believe they are the most important meeting of your day while simultaneously letting them know how lucky they are you showed up at all because you are very busy and in demand. A rough estimate is between a half hour and three hours depending on whether or not there is a bar where you're planning to meet. We hope you enjoyed this tutorial on Irish time , and will take these tips into consideration the next time you're planning to be tardy.

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